The harmless little “Husband Store” joke

The first time the Husband Store joke circulated around my office I ignored it. You know the one: it tells the story of a woman who climbs higher and higher through the store’s many floors in search of the perfect husband. He must have a job (1st floor), like kids (2nd floor), and so on. Eventually she arrives at the uppermost floor to be greeted by a sign informing her

You are the 3,450,701 woman to visit this floor. This demonstrates how women are impossible to please. Thank you for visiting the Husband Store. Have a nice day.

Conversely, as the joke goes, the Wife Store across the street offers the opportunity for men to select the perfect wife. The 1st floor offers wives who like sex and beer.

The punchline is that no man has ever ventured beyond the 1st floor.

OK, I admit I found the joke kind of funny. And I get the irony that I myself am not married, despite a keen fondness for both characteristics that supposedly make the perfect wife. I can laugh to myself at this satirical view of the age old battle-of-the-sexes.

As the joke made a repeat appearance today among my co-workers, however, I refused to laugh. Not this time. I took in the comments (“That’s a good one!” and “True!”), and I felt deeply saddened and frustrated by the misogynistic opinions of so many of my co-workers.

I reacted this way because there is not a man among us. This “joke” is being spread by and credited to a group of professional women.

It is not the joke itself that dismays me. It is the acknowledgment given it by my sisters that breaks my heart.

“If I be waspish, best beware my sting!”

I confess, I love Katherina Minola.  I love her for her sharp mind and her saucy tongue, both of which were sharply at odds with the expectations of Shakespeare’s time.  Her mousy little sister, Bianca, is a far better representation of the ideal Elizabethan woman.

From an Elizabethan man‘s perspective, that is.

Kate is more of a woman’s woman.  Padua called her a shrew, so she embraced the title, made it her own and wore it as lesser women might wear tiaras.

Petruchio called Kate a wasp, and she reminded him that a wasp can sting.  That simple line is the perfect motto for the character.  Indeed, Kate has the ability to sting, and so she does.  It is her only defense, and she uses it to her advantage.

Although today we must still fight for many of our rights, we are at least more fortunate than Kate.  Still, that motto might also serve us very well.

Let it be a reminder of the plight of all of our sisters who have paved the way for us.

Let it remind us that, like Kate, we are entitled to our opinions–and the right to voice them.

Let it show all the world that we are not powerless, nor are we the weaker sex.

She Didn’t Ask For It–Part II

Gang Rape of an 11-Year-Old Girl

Today I stumbled on a 14-month old story from The New York Times online which tells the story of  a middle school girl in Cleveland, TX, who had been gang raped by as many as 18 assailants.  The accused rapists range in age from “middle schoolers to a 27-year-old” (sic).  Some of the suspects were high school athletes; others had previous criminal records–including one suspect who had been convicted of manslaughter.

Yet the article didn’t focus on how the tragedy affected this young girl.  Instead, it focused on how the town, and even the suspects themselves, were affected by the news of the rape charges:

The case has rocked this East Texas community to its core and left many residents…with unanswered questions. Among them is, if the allegations are proved, how could their young men have been drawn into such an act?…

…The arrests have left many wondering who will be taken into custody next. 

How could their young men have been drawn into such an act?  Times reporter James McKinley almost makes it sound as if the suspects are the true victims here, relieving them of culpability by hinting that they were seduced into raping an 11-year-old child.

McKinley goes on to quote residents who worry about their town’s reputation, residents who point out that the victim dressed older than her age, wore make up, and was known to “hang out with teen aged boys at a playground.”  Throughout the entire article, the only references to the girl’s plight is use of the lurid phrase “Vicious Assault” in the headline, and a factual recounting of the details from the arrest afidavits.

This type of victim blaming is appalling, but it is especially shocking to me that it is coming from a reputable source like The New York Times.

“Living Doll” is unhealthy Web presence for girls

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about Venus Palermo, a YouTube video sensation.  Her how-to videos have shown millions of viewers how to create her look:

Her look is described as a “living doll,” because she deliberately attempts to mimic the appearance of a life-size ball-jointed doll, as seen in several pictures found on the Internet:

The fantasy behind this weird form of dress up cannot be ignored.  In fact, it becomes glaringly obvious in this uncomfortable video clip (“Insane guy in love”), in which an obsessed male fan first tells Venus he loves her, and then becomes irate with her, during a live call-in session.  All the while, her mother, Margaret, looks on.

Perhaps this is a case of YouTube Stage Mama sensation…?  After Justin Bieber’s meteoric rise to fame via YouTube, combined with reality TV’s introduction to the idea of everyone’s 15 minutes of fame, hopeful mamas are allowing their daughters to push the limits of what is healthy in a scramble for their opportunity for the vicarious limelight.

Margaret Palermo is not too concerned about her daughter’s unusual male following.  Regarding Venus’s child-like appearance, she is quoted in The (UK) Sun, “That is why she is so beautiful and special.  She has the face of a baby and the body of a woman” (Tippett).

That’s pretty creepy, but a cursory browse through Venus’s web site (venusangelic.com) provides much more worrisome material.  For example, the photo on her home page:

Her Facebook page also contains some content that might raise a few eyebrows, like a comment from Walter, a 50-something man who writes, “Thanks sweety you are such a doll baby I love your pics.”  There are many more men who—unlike Walter (who seems to be using his real name to follow Venus)—create usernames just so they can like her page and comment while protecting their true identities.

As the mother of a 15-year-old daughter myself, I can’t imagine being OK with this kind of attention!  It’s not a question of whether or not Venus is a “good” girl, as her mother keeps insisting; it’s the unhealthy type of attention she is attracting that should concern her.

SOURCES:

Tippett, Jennifer. “I’m a Living Doll: Venus, 15, on her image as a walking, talking toy.” The (UK) Sun, 13 Apr 2012. Web. <http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/4251638/Venus-Palermo-news-The-teenage-girl-who-spends-120-a-month-to-live-like-a-real-life-doll.html> 24 Apr 2012

VenusAngelic. “Insane love guy calls Venus.” YouTube, 1 Jan 2012. Web. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5jzCQ32rSM> 24 Apr 2012.

“VenusAngelic: Venus Palermo, a 15 year old Living Doll, Perfect School Styling Video.” Annewsments.com, 16 Apr 2012. Web. <http://annewsments.com/venus-angelic-venus-palermo-a-15-year-old-living-doll-perfect-school-styling-video/> 24 Apr 2012.

“Venus Angelic Fanclub.” 2012. Web. <https://www.facebook.com/venusangelic> 24 Apr 2012.

“Venus Angelic Official Blog and Site.” 2012. Web. <http://annewsments.com/venus-angelic-venus-palermo-a-15-year-old-living-doll-perfect-school-styling-video/> 24 Apr 2012.

06/07/2012 update

I no longer wonder why her mother, Margaret Palermo, allows this:

An Interlude

It’s All About Perspective

Had an enlightening conversation with a wise woman at the Laundromat this morning.  I’m calling her Millie, just because that’s the name I gave her in my mind.  We actually never introduced ourselves to each other.

The tail end of our conversation went something like this:

MILLIE: …Oh, today, everybody is always on the move!  Maybe they can afford “disposable” houses that are only supposed to last 15 years, but I’m 82 years old, and I’m thankful that my house was paid for 30 years ago.  Most of my friends have talked about how great it is in the apartments and assisted living places they’ve moved to, but as long as I have my wits about me and my good health, I’m staying right in the house where I’ve lived for over 60 years…

ME: …My house was built over 60 years ago, too,  and I was very thankful that when I bought it, it was in perfect, move-in condition.  People ask me if I’m going to sell it after my kids are all moved out, but heck no, I figure it will perfect for me when I’m living alone.

MILLIE: You’ve got it right.  People tell me I should change with the times, but I tell them bullsh*t!  Why would I change now, when I have everything just the way I like it?  Don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband and was thankful for the time God gave us together.  But he’s been gone for 21 years now.  I’ve changed enough with the times, because I have managed everything on my own since he passed away.  And you know what?  I’ve been really, really happy.

ME: That’s great!  What’s your secret, if you don’t mind my asking?

MILLIE: For one thing, I’ve never wanted more than I could afford.  I never went into debt to pay for anything but the house.  And in my day, you got a 30-year mortgage, and when you pay it off—the house is yours!… But I’ll tell you something else: you see all these women today who call themselves “liberated,” it makes me sick!… But it’s OK for women now to go sleeping around with whoever, and dressing like streetwalkers with their unmentionables showing, getting drunk and stupid, whatever, because all the big actresses do it.  They call that liberated?  I’ll tell you what, they’re more limited than women ever were in my generation, and you just wait and see where all this ends up in the next generation.

ME: You seem pretty liberated yourself.

MILLIE: [smiling] Don’t tell anybody that!  I try to keep a low profile, you know.  No one would ever call me liberated.  But I’ll thank you for it, just the same.  You have a great day now, young lady, it’s been a real pleasure talking to you.

To Be or Not To Be (a feminist, that is)

By definition a feminist is someone who advocates equal rights for women—someone who believes that women are, in all aspects, equal to men.  We tend to think of feminism in terms of modern times, and we certainly tend to think of feminists as women.

But what about William Shakespeare?  

To think that a man of the Renaissance might have believed in equality for women seems pretty far-fetched to begin with, but to look at the plays written by Shakespeare—which are rife with examples of misogyny and patriarchal stereotypes—the very idea seems absurd.

To read Shakespeare from a feminist perspective, we have to think like an English subject some 400 years ago.  The bard was a product of his times, after all—and in 16^th century England, men clearly ruled the civilized world.

Let’s look more closely at perhaps the most famous anti-feminist play of Shakespeare’s: “The Taming of the Shrew.”  Katherine, the shrew in the play, is introduced as an undesirable woman.  Unlike her demure and obedient sister, the highly prized Bianca, Katherine clearly doesn’t know her place in the man’s world.

But Katherine, like Shakespeare himself, is a product of her times, which is why she was not appreciated for her qualities:

She speaks her mind; therefore, she is froward.

She possesses a sharp wit; therefore, she is disagreeable.

She is intelligent; therefore, she is most undesirable—for how can a Renaissance man be king of his castle when there is the slightest possibility that a woman under his roof might be smarter than he?

In short, Katherine needed to be tamed in order to survive in such a misogynous world.  Don’t revile her too much for doing so.  Because in the end, the point is that she got what she wanted: out from under her father’s judgmental thumb, and likewise the harsh opinions of her countrymen.

On the surface, “The Taming of the Shrew” seems to support the misogynous idea that a woman needs to be tamed by her superior male counterpart.  A deeper reading, however, supports the belief that Katherine merely pretended to submit to the taming, because in the 16^th Century, this was sadly the only way for a woman to be permitted to use her wit and intelligence.

Some modern interpretations of the Shrew:

Katherine Grayson, “Kiss Me Kate,” 1953

Elizabeth Taylor, “The Taming of the Shrew,” 1967

Cybill Shepherd, “Atomic Shakespeare” (Moonlighting), 1986

Julia Stiles, “10 Things I Hate About You,” 1999

Shirley Henderson, “The Taming of the Shrew” (ShakespeareRe-Told), 2005

For more insight on feminist interpretations of Shakespeare’s plays, see this article with highlights from Rita Freitas, PhD.

SOURCES REFERENCED:

Highan, Raymond. “’Is This the Promised End?’ Shakespeare and Feminism.” Dr. Nighan’s Shakespeare Page. Web. <http://www.stjohns-chs.org/english/shakespeare/feminism/feminism.html> 19 Apr 2012.

Jones, Keith. “Shakespeare and Film—A Microblog.” 04 Mar 2008, Web. <http://kajones.nwc.edu/Blog/Entries/2008/3/4_Mystery_Shakespearean_Derivatives,_Part_II.html> 19 Apr 2012.

Kane, Brian. “Kathryn Grayson.” Brian Kane Online. 19 Feb 2010, Web. <http://www.briankaneonline.com/tag/kathryn-grayson/> 19 Apr 2012.

Nolan, Lea. “Welcome Wednesday: Trish Melburn’s Take on Lessons from Teen Love.” Honestly YA: Six Authors, One Love. 15 Feb 2012, Web. <http://honestlyya.blogspot.com/2012/02/welcome-wednesday-trish-milburns-take.html> 19 Apr 2012.

“Shirley Henderson.” BBC Woman’s Hour. 16 Nov 2008, Web. <http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/2005_46_wed_01.shtml> 19 Apr 2012.

“The Taming of the Shrew, Kate.” monologuedb: the monologue database. Web.  <http://www.monologuedb.com/classic-female-monologues/the-taming-of-the-shrew-katherina-kate-minola/> 19 Apr 2012.

“William Shakespeare.” Wikipedia. 14 Apr 2012, Web. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Shakespeare> 19 Apr 2012.

She didn’t ask for it

The word “Lolita” instantly brings to mind an image for most people.  That image may vary slightly from person to person, but generally the image conjured is that of a young girl who is sexually provocative and experienced.  Even Mirriam-Webster defines a Lolita as “a precociously seductive girl.”

Jeremy Irons as Humbert Humbert and 15-year-old Dominique Swain as Lolita in the 1997 film

I have been aware of Lolita’s beginnings as the character in the often banned novel written by Vladimir Nabokov.  Having never read the book, however, it surprised me in this week’s reading assignment to learn the truth: the literary character was not the experienced seductress that we tend to envision.  She was a 12 year old child, and the victim of rape (Sweeney, 49).

How did this happen?  How did the character regress from a victim to the scapegoat for obsessive fantasies?  And what happened to the Humbert Humbert character in the transition?  Did he evolve from a rapist to a sympathetic character?  Has he become a figure to whom men are now meant to relate, a sort of “every man” character to be pitied for being tempted beyond his control by the whore at home?  Poor old Humbert.

Nabokov’s title character didn’t encourage the advances of her lascivious step-father, but somehow that is how the child is remembered, and how she is iconified in popular culture.  And society accepts that.

Jodie Foster with her Best Actress Oscar in 1989

It shouldn’t surprise me too much, I guess.  Nearly 30 years after Nabokov’s book was published, Cheryl Araujo was gang raped in a bar in New Bedford, Massachusetts, allegedly while a group of onlookers cheered and coaxed the rapists on.  You might not recognize Cheryl’s name, but her case was the inspiration for the 1988 movie The Accused.  The movie, which earned actress Jodie Foster her first Oscar and propelled her to Hollywood’s A-list, heralded a landmark movement in which women’s rights activists sought to end the accepted practice of “blaming the victim” in rape cases.

“You sold me out” link to a pivotal scene from The Accused, starring Jodie Foster.

2012

We still have not eliminated this cycle of blame, of protesting, “She asked for it!” when a woman is raped.  According to an article published just today in the Massachusetts Daily Collegian, “Women are perceived by society as ‘asking for it,’ because, ‘if she dresses hot, how are you supposed to control yourself?’ according to [former prosecutor] Munch.”  The article further claims that 88% of the men charged with rape deny any wrong doing, insisting that their victims were willing participants.

Given these judgments, it’s no wonder that, more than 50 years after Nabokov’s book Lolita was published, society is still blaming the victim.

SOURCES:

The Accused Movie Clip 2/9: You Sold Me Out. 07 Oct 2011. Web. 01 Mar 2012 < http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEXIC0OaQSU&feature=fvst >.

Corcoran, Brianna. Former Prosecutor Presents Lecture on Sexual Assault. The Massachusetts Daily Collegian. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://dailycollegian.com/2012/03/01/former-prosecutor-presents-lecture-on-sexual-assault/>.

Lolita (1997). Virualhistory.com. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://www.virtual-history.com/movie/image/3603 >.

Lolita. Merriam-Webster.com. 2012. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://mw4.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lolita >.

Parker, Paul Edward. “Juries Hear Big Dan’s Rape Case.” The Providence Journal Company, 01 Nov 1999. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://cache.projo.com/specials/century/month10/mass7.htm

Sweeney, Kathleen. Maiden USA: Girl Icons Come of Age. New York: Peter Lang Publishing, 2007. Print.

The “F” Word

My aunt taught me to never use the “F” word.  I’ve seen her boil over when someone uses it around her, and believe me, I have no desire to incur that wrath.

“You can say F*CK all you want,” Aunt Dotty admonishes thoughtless people, “but don’t you dare say FAT.”

A LITTLE TOO FAT

Earlier this week designer Karl Lagerfeld made the mistake of referring to the singer Adele as “a little too fat,” and subsequently incurred the wrath of women all across America.

Perhaps Lagerfeld has forgotten that the woman who made Chanel No5 famous was a far cry from the Size 0 models with whom he works today:

Marilyn Monroe, Chanel No5 Ad

Lagerfeld with Chanel Models

I look at Adele, and I think she looks real.  She looks like she could be my friend, my sister, my client, my neighbor.  She is beautiful and natural.  She is a role model for my daughters, and for daughters/sisters all across America.

Lagerfeld thinks he can right his wrong by apologizing, by saying that his quote was taken out of context.

How do you take “a little too fat” out of context?  

How does it mean anything other than “a little too fat”?  

Sure, he followed the comment with “...but she has a beautiful face, and a divine voice.”

Well, Mr. Lagerfeld, she does have a beautiful face and a divine voice.  America doesn’t need you to proclaim that.  She also has a beautiful body and a beautiful spirit, and shame on you for suggesting there  is anything “wrong ” with her at all.

THE LAST WORD

In the true spirit of beauty, Adele trumped Lagerfeld’s criticism with words to live by:

“I’ve never wanted to look like models on the cover of magazines. I represent the majority of women and I’m very proud of that.”

SOURCES:

“Adele.” Web. <http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-eB3wk_lAzck/Tn-azeogOGI/AAAAAAAAHwo/DVFXpO-WC9s/s1600/adele.jpg> 10 Feb 2012.

“Adele: ‘I Represent the Majority of Women’.” The Orange County Register. 9 Feb 2012, Web. <http://www.ocregister.com/articles/adele-339529-majority-represent.html> 10 Feb 2012.

Chanel. Web. <http://marka.net84.net/credit.html> 10 Feb 2012.

“Cheryl Cole and Adele Land on Under 30 Rich List.”Web. < http://skisseboden.blogspot.com/2011/12/cheryl-cole-and-adele-land-on-under-30.html> 10 Feb 2012.

Feingersh, Ed. “Marilyn Monroe, Chanel No 5.” AllPosters.com. Web. <http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Marilyn-Monroe-Chanel-No-5-Posters_i5034247_.htm> 10 Feb 2012.

TRUST and the Internet

I just finished watching the 2011 movie “Trust” with my daughter, with mixed feelings.  Intended as a warning against the evil of online relationships where you think you know the person you have been chatting with over a period of time, it is the story of 14-year-old Annie who decides to meet up with Charlie, a guy she knows from a teen chat room.  In actuality, Charlie is an online predator who grooms young girls by building a rapport with them, then gradually confesses to be older than he originally pretended.  By the time Annie rendezvous with him in real life, it almost doesn’t even matter to her that he is probably close to 40 years old.  From there it’s a short leap to the motel room where Charlie manipulates the confused and frightened girl into trusting him.

At the outset, the movie does a good job selling its reality to young teens of my daughter’s generation who seem permanently connected to their cell phones and iPods.  As the relationship between Annie and Charlie initially develops, a constant stream of instant messages between the two is superimposed over the day-to-day life Annie leads with her family.  Annie is a smart girl, and in the beginning she blocks unwanted messages from another user who crosses a line with overt sexual advances, indicating that she has safe Internet habits.  She has a loving family, with parents who do monitor her Internet use—but who balance their control with a certain amount of trust in their daughter.  As depicted in the first part of the movie, they could be any family with a teen-aged daughter in America today.

Unfortunately, the film immediately lost credibility with my daughter in the movie’s crucial turning point: the scene where Annie meets Charlie at the local mall.  At this point the character believes her love interest to be a 25-year-old graduate student, and is understandably disappointed to realize the truth.  The truth, from a 14-year-old girl’s perspective, is that he is a creepy, middle-aged pervert who makes her skin crawl.  According to my daughter, a smart girl like Annie—or perhaps likeherself—would never have given him the time to explain himself, and certainly would have known better than to get into the car with him.

Liana Liberato as Annie, and Chris Henrey Coffey as Charlie in “Trust”

In his post, CNET reviewer Larry Magid cites the unlikelihood of such a scenario ever actually happening.  He compares it to a warning about airline hijackings: sure, you should be aware that they’re possible, but the likelihood of either one actually happening is extremely rare.  Actor-turned-director David Schwimmer (of “Friends” fame) might have better convinced his younger viewers if Charlie’s spell over Annie had been more believable; as I pointed out to my daughter, even if he had turned out to be 20ish and good-looking, that still wouldn’t have meant it was safe for her to have shared her personal information with him, or to have met with him in person.

Jeanette Catsoulis of the New York Times looks at it from a completely different perspective, that of the  sexualization of young girls as much through advertising as through sexually charged Internet chat rooms.  Ironically, Annie’s father Will is an advertising executive who, through his daughter’s traumatizing experience, begins to question the industry in which he works as well as his own personal failures as a father.  This is just one of the many layers of emotions tapped in the movie as it addresses the tangled relationships that unwind when a young girl’s trust is misplaced.

SOURCES

Catsoulis, Jeannette. “Trust.” New York Times: C.8. National Newspapers Premier; New York Times. Apr 01 2011. Web. 23 Jan. 2012 <http://search.proquest.com.library.esc.edu/docview/859476684?accountid=8067&gt;.

Magid, Larry. “Movie ‘Trust’ Dramatizes Internet Sex Crime.” CNET, News page, 01 Apr 2011. Web 23 Jan 2012 <http://news.cnet.com/8301-19518_3-20049788-238.html&gt;.

“Trust Movie Trailer.” Web 23 Jan 2012 <http://www.onlinemovieshut.com/tag/trust-movie-trailer&gt;.

Welcome, Fellow Classmates!

Welcome, fellow classmates of “Women, Girls, and the Media” at Empire State College!

Although I will be updating this blog as a class requirement, I hope it might reach beyond our coursework.  As a daughter/sister/mother/grrlfriend, I envision this blog as an empowerment tool for all of us to find ways to celebrate our strengths and overcome our weaknesses–and just maybe even make some small change in the world around us.

Looking forward to a great semester with all of you!