The harmless little “Husband Store” joke

The first time the Husband Store joke circulated around my office I ignored it. You know the one: it tells the story of a woman who climbs higher and higher through the store’s many floors in search of the perfect husband. He must have a job (1st floor), like kids (2nd floor), and so on. Eventually she arrives at the uppermost floor to be greeted by a sign informing her

You are the 3,450,701 woman to visit this floor. This demonstrates how women are impossible to please. Thank you for visiting the Husband Store. Have a nice day.

Conversely, as the joke goes, the Wife Store across the street offers the opportunity for men to select the perfect wife. The 1st floor offers wives who like sex and beer.

The punchline is that no man has ever ventured beyond the 1st floor.

OK, I admit I found the joke kind of funny. And I get the irony that I myself am not married, despite a keen fondness for both characteristics that supposedly make the perfect wife. I can laugh to myself at this satirical view of the age old battle-of-the-sexes.

As the joke made a repeat appearance today among my co-workers, however, I refused to laugh. Not this time. I took in the comments (“That’s a good one!” and “True!”), and I felt deeply saddened and frustrated by the misogynistic opinions of so many of my co-workers.

I reacted this way because there is not a man among us. This “joke” is being spread by and credited to a group of professional women.

It is not the joke itself that dismays me. It is the acknowledgment given it by my sisters that breaks my heart.

“If I be waspish, best beware my sting!”

I confess, I love Katherina Minola.  I love her for her sharp mind and her saucy tongue, both of which were sharply at odds with the expectations of Shakespeare’s time.  Her mousy little sister, Bianca, is a far better representation of the ideal Elizabethan woman.

From an Elizabethan man‘s perspective, that is.

Kate is more of a woman’s woman.  Padua called her a shrew, so she embraced the title, made it her own and wore it as lesser women might wear tiaras.

Petruchio called Kate a wasp, and she reminded him that a wasp can sting.  That simple line is the perfect motto for the character.  Indeed, Kate has the ability to sting, and so she does.  It is her only defense, and she uses it to her advantage.

Although today we must still fight for many of our rights, we are at least more fortunate than Kate.  Still, that motto might also serve us very well.

Let it be a reminder of the plight of all of our sisters who have paved the way for us.

Let it remind us that, like Kate, we are entitled to our opinions–and the right to voice them.

Let it show all the world that we are not powerless, nor are we the weaker sex.

An Interlude

It’s All About Perspective

Had an enlightening conversation with a wise woman at the Laundromat this morning.  I’m calling her Millie, just because that’s the name I gave her in my mind.  We actually never introduced ourselves to each other.

The tail end of our conversation went something like this:

MILLIE: …Oh, today, everybody is always on the move!  Maybe they can afford “disposable” houses that are only supposed to last 15 years, but I’m 82 years old, and I’m thankful that my house was paid for 30 years ago.  Most of my friends have talked about how great it is in the apartments and assisted living places they’ve moved to, but as long as I have my wits about me and my good health, I’m staying right in the house where I’ve lived for over 60 years…

ME: …My house was built over 60 years ago, too,  and I was very thankful that when I bought it, it was in perfect, move-in condition.  People ask me if I’m going to sell it after my kids are all moved out, but heck no, I figure it will perfect for me when I’m living alone.

MILLIE: You’ve got it right.  People tell me I should change with the times, but I tell them bullsh*t!  Why would I change now, when I have everything just the way I like it?  Don’t get me wrong, I loved my husband and was thankful for the time God gave us together.  But he’s been gone for 21 years now.  I’ve changed enough with the times, because I have managed everything on my own since he passed away.  And you know what?  I’ve been really, really happy.

ME: That’s great!  What’s your secret, if you don’t mind my asking?

MILLIE: For one thing, I’ve never wanted more than I could afford.  I never went into debt to pay for anything but the house.  And in my day, you got a 30-year mortgage, and when you pay it off—the house is yours!… But I’ll tell you something else: you see all these women today who call themselves “liberated,” it makes me sick!… But it’s OK for women now to go sleeping around with whoever, and dressing like streetwalkers with their unmentionables showing, getting drunk and stupid, whatever, because all the big actresses do it.  They call that liberated?  I’ll tell you what, they’re more limited than women ever were in my generation, and you just wait and see where all this ends up in the next generation.

ME: You seem pretty liberated yourself.

MILLIE: [smiling] Don’t tell anybody that!  I try to keep a low profile, you know.  No one would ever call me liberated.  But I’ll thank you for it, just the same.  You have a great day now, young lady, it’s been a real pleasure talking to you.

To Be or Not To Be (a feminist, that is)

By definition a feminist is someone who advocates equal rights for women—someone who believes that women are, in all aspects, equal to men.  We tend to think of feminism in terms of modern times, and we certainly tend to think of feminists as women.

But what about William Shakespeare?  

To think that a man of the Renaissance might have believed in equality for women seems pretty far-fetched to begin with, but to look at the plays written by Shakespeare—which are rife with examples of misogyny and patriarchal stereotypes—the very idea seems absurd.

To read Shakespeare from a feminist perspective, we have to think like an English subject some 400 years ago.  The bard was a product of his times, after all—and in 16^th century England, men clearly ruled the civilized world.

Let’s look more closely at perhaps the most famous anti-feminist play of Shakespeare’s: “The Taming of the Shrew.”  Katherine, the shrew in the play, is introduced as an undesirable woman.  Unlike her demure and obedient sister, the highly prized Bianca, Katherine clearly doesn’t know her place in the man’s world.

But Katherine, like Shakespeare himself, is a product of her times, which is why she was not appreciated for her qualities:

She speaks her mind; therefore, she is froward.

She possesses a sharp wit; therefore, she is disagreeable.

She is intelligent; therefore, she is most undesirable—for how can a Renaissance man be king of his castle when there is the slightest possibility that a woman under his roof might be smarter than he?

In short, Katherine needed to be tamed in order to survive in such a misogynous world.  Don’t revile her too much for doing so.  Because in the end, the point is that she got what she wanted: out from under her father’s judgmental thumb, and likewise the harsh opinions of her countrymen.

On the surface, “The Taming of the Shrew” seems to support the misogynous idea that a woman needs to be tamed by her superior male counterpart.  A deeper reading, however, supports the belief that Katherine merely pretended to submit to the taming, because in the 16^th Century, this was sadly the only way for a woman to be permitted to use her wit and intelligence.

Some modern interpretations of the Shrew:

Katherine Grayson, “Kiss Me Kate,” 1953

Elizabeth Taylor, “The Taming of the Shrew,” 1967

Cybill Shepherd, “Atomic Shakespeare” (Moonlighting), 1986

Julia Stiles, “10 Things I Hate About You,” 1999

Shirley Henderson, “The Taming of the Shrew” (ShakespeareRe-Told), 2005

For more insight on feminist interpretations of Shakespeare’s plays, see this article with highlights from Rita Freitas, PhD.

SOURCES REFERENCED:

Highan, Raymond. “’Is This the Promised End?’ Shakespeare and Feminism.” Dr. Nighan’s Shakespeare Page. Web. <http://www.stjohns-chs.org/english/shakespeare/feminism/feminism.html> 19 Apr 2012.

Jones, Keith. “Shakespeare and Film—A Microblog.” 04 Mar 2008, Web. <http://kajones.nwc.edu/Blog/Entries/2008/3/4_Mystery_Shakespearean_Derivatives,_Part_II.html> 19 Apr 2012.

Kane, Brian. “Kathryn Grayson.” Brian Kane Online. 19 Feb 2010, Web. <http://www.briankaneonline.com/tag/kathryn-grayson/> 19 Apr 2012.

Nolan, Lea. “Welcome Wednesday: Trish Melburn’s Take on Lessons from Teen Love.” Honestly YA: Six Authors, One Love. 15 Feb 2012, Web. <http://honestlyya.blogspot.com/2012/02/welcome-wednesday-trish-milburns-take.html> 19 Apr 2012.

“Shirley Henderson.” BBC Woman’s Hour. 16 Nov 2008, Web. <http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/womanshour/2005_46_wed_01.shtml> 19 Apr 2012.

“The Taming of the Shrew, Kate.” monologuedb: the monologue database. Web.  <http://www.monologuedb.com/classic-female-monologues/the-taming-of-the-shrew-katherina-kate-minola/> 19 Apr 2012.

“William Shakespeare.” Wikipedia. 14 Apr 2012, Web. <http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Shakespeare> 19 Apr 2012.

She didn’t ask for it

The word “Lolita” instantly brings to mind an image for most people.  That image may vary slightly from person to person, but generally the image conjured is that of a young girl who is sexually provocative and experienced.  Even Mirriam-Webster defines a Lolita as “a precociously seductive girl.”

Jeremy Irons as Humbert Humbert and 15-year-old Dominique Swain as Lolita in the 1997 film

I have been aware of Lolita’s beginnings as the character in the often banned novel written by Vladimir Nabokov.  Having never read the book, however, it surprised me in this week’s reading assignment to learn the truth: the literary character was not the experienced seductress that we tend to envision.  She was a 12 year old child, and the victim of rape (Sweeney, 49).

How did this happen?  How did the character regress from a victim to the scapegoat for obsessive fantasies?  And what happened to the Humbert Humbert character in the transition?  Did he evolve from a rapist to a sympathetic character?  Has he become a figure to whom men are now meant to relate, a sort of “every man” character to be pitied for being tempted beyond his control by the whore at home?  Poor old Humbert.

Nabokov’s title character didn’t encourage the advances of her lascivious step-father, but somehow that is how the child is remembered, and how she is iconified in popular culture.  And society accepts that.

Jodie Foster with her Best Actress Oscar in 1989

It shouldn’t surprise me too much, I guess.  Nearly 30 years after Nabokov’s book was published, Cheryl Araujo was gang raped in a bar in New Bedford, Massachusetts, allegedly while a group of onlookers cheered and coaxed the rapists on.  You might not recognize Cheryl’s name, but her case was the inspiration for the 1988 movie The Accused.  The movie, which earned actress Jodie Foster her first Oscar and propelled her to Hollywood’s A-list, heralded a landmark movement in which women’s rights activists sought to end the accepted practice of “blaming the victim” in rape cases.

“You sold me out” link to a pivotal scene from The Accused, starring Jodie Foster.

2012

We still have not eliminated this cycle of blame, of protesting, “She asked for it!” when a woman is raped.  According to an article published just today in the Massachusetts Daily Collegian, “Women are perceived by society as ‘asking for it,’ because, ‘if she dresses hot, how are you supposed to control yourself?’ according to [former prosecutor] Munch.”  The article further claims that 88% of the men charged with rape deny any wrong doing, insisting that their victims were willing participants.

Given these judgments, it’s no wonder that, more than 50 years after Nabokov’s book Lolita was published, society is still blaming the victim.

SOURCES:

The Accused Movie Clip 2/9: You Sold Me Out. 07 Oct 2011. Web. 01 Mar 2012 < http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sEXIC0OaQSU&feature=fvst >.

Corcoran, Brianna. Former Prosecutor Presents Lecture on Sexual Assault. The Massachusetts Daily Collegian. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://dailycollegian.com/2012/03/01/former-prosecutor-presents-lecture-on-sexual-assault/>.

Lolita (1997). Virualhistory.com. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://www.virtual-history.com/movie/image/3603 >.

Lolita. Merriam-Webster.com. 2012. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://mw4.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/lolita >.

Parker, Paul Edward. “Juries Hear Big Dan’s Rape Case.” The Providence Journal Company, 01 Nov 1999. Web. 01 Mar 2012, < http://cache.projo.com/specials/century/month10/mass7.htm

Sweeney, Kathleen. Maiden USA: Girl Icons Come of Age. New York: Peter Lang Publishing, 2007. Print.

Welcome, Fellow Classmates!

Welcome, fellow classmates of “Women, Girls, and the Media” at Empire State College!

Although I will be updating this blog as a class requirement, I hope it might reach beyond our coursework.  As a daughter/sister/mother/grrlfriend, I envision this blog as an empowerment tool for all of us to find ways to celebrate our strengths and overcome our weaknesses–and just maybe even make some small change in the world around us.

Looking forward to a great semester with all of you!